Confessionary of a slave

2008-02-14T11:39:00.000-08:00

Its Valentines Day and it was wonderful to chat to my Mistress, it had been so long, i missed Her so much.

W/we played a game using a dice. The rules where simple:
rolling a 1 - i get one point.
rolling a 2 - i have to drop to wax drop's on my nipples and get no points.
rolling a 3 - i get 3 points.
rolling a 4 - i get 10 spanks on my ass and get 4 points.
rolling a 5 - i get 2 wax drops on my balls and no points.
rolling a 6 - i get 6 points.
every 3 times i roll dice i have to spank ass 5 times.
every time i get exactly 10, 20, 30... points, i have to add a clamp onto body.
i get a reward for reaching 50, 100 or 200 points in an hour.

The game was going well until i rolled a 4 on my 3 third throw and forgot to give myself an extra 5 spanks. That was it, game over and i was punished for forgetting. my mind was getting lazy so i was fucked with no lube to make me remember to pay attention at all times.

i need Mistress's guidance and thank Her for punishing me, i can only eat bread and water tonight and have to sleep on the floor. i let Her down and learned my lesson. The next time i play the game i will remember the rules.

2008-02-05T08:55:00.000-08:00

Mistress is continuing my ass training now, i have to wear the small butt plug in bed every night this week and then the medium plug during the day. i find wearing the small plug is fine and not too uncomfortable, i can sleep well with it in. i am finding wearing the medium plug difficult as my ass aches after a while. Also, i find that when i walk it works its way out sometimes and i have to push it back it, which can be very embarrassing when you are in the supermarket!

2008-01-25T07:31:00.000-08:00

i really missed my Mistress while i was away, i wore my small plug most days under my cloths so i would be always reminded of Her. it is great to be back and serving my Mistress again :)

2008-01-15T16:01:00.000-08:00

i spoke to Mistress tonight and i am sad as i am going away for a few days and i am going to miss my Mistress so much.

i am going to bring the small plug in my luggage and wear it every day in Her honour, i hope the time will go quickly and i will be home next tuesday morning, ready to serve my Mistress.

2008-01-12T16:29:00.000-08:00

i haven't chatted to Mistress in a few days and i really miss Her, i so look forward to speaking to Her and i miss Her more and more.

i hope to speak to You soon Mistress

Fears and Fantasies

2008-01-07T06:40:00.000-08:00

Fears

my biggest fear is losing my Mistress, to find such a wonderful Mistress as Mistress Anna is one in a million, and i realise how lucky i am to be owned by Her. i want to devote my life to Her and love Her and hope She loves me too.

my next biggest fear is failing to be the slave my Mistress wants me to be, the last thing i want to do is disappoint Her, i want Her to be proud of me.

One of my biggest fears used to be being deceived by a Mistress who is only playing at D/s and is not really serious and just wants to use me, but i am very lucky to be owned by a true natural Mistress who is helping me to grow as a submissive.

A big fear of mine is public humiliation, i mean humiliation in front of people outside the lifestyle. i feel that vanilla people just don't understand D/s and how loving it is, so i prefer to keep my submission private.

Another fear is extreme pain, i know that pain is good for a submissive but i still fear it.

Fantasies

The fantasy i always have is living with my Mistress as Her 24/7 slave and Her friend, to be there for Her every day, to love Her and be totally owned by Her. i dream of one day being married and living the rest of my life with my Mistress.

i used to dream of always wearing a symbol of my submission, something that always reminds me of my Mistress. This could be a necklace, bracelet, butt plug, or some kind of bondage under my cloths. This fantasy has now come true as i wear my slut collar on my arm under my cloths every day :)

i now dream of being out with my friends with my Mistress, wearing Her symbol and nobody knowing but U/us.

i also fantasise about living with my Mistress and pleasing Her every day, having no right to wear cloths without Her permission, kissing Her feet every morning and every time She enters the house.

i fantasise about my Mistress attaching a leash to my collar and leading me to the bedroom or playroom, where She will continue my on going training and teach how to please Her exactly how She wants.

2008-01-06T16:44:00.001-08:00

i had a very nice chat with Mistress tonight and i told Her how happy She makes me and how lucky i am to serve Her. Mistress makes me complete, i am my true self with Her.

After our conversation Mistress ordered me to suck my dildo, then fuck myself until i ached and was very sore. i did this without complaining, it was difficult but it was my pleasure to obey.

When Mistress was happy, i was ordered to insert the butt plug and spank my ass until it was nice and red, then take the pic You can see.

Thank You Mistress.

2008-01-05T18:19:00.000-08:00

i really let my Mistress down before the New Year and i have been very upset ever since, my stomach has been sick and i haven't been sleeping.

Tonight Mistress spoke to me and ordered me to cuff my left wrist to my right ankle, put on the hood and nipple clamps, then kneel against the wall and think about what i had done.

Kneeling there i felt so bad and hated myself for letting Mistress down, i felt worthless and wanted to be punished. But i knew that i need to do more to prove to Mistress that i really want to belong to Her. i know that i will never be happy without Her, She is wonderful and i ached all week thinking about Her.

i can't picture my life without Mistress, looking at my future without Her is sad and depressing. i want to prove to Her that i am committed to Her. i told my brother last night that i was submissive and he wasn't happy about it, but i don't care as long as my Mistress wants me.

i beg Her to keep me and teach me how to serve Her better.

2007-12-29T06:30:00.000-08:00

i had a good session with Mistress last night, W/we started off with spanking my ass with the paddle and moved onto wax play.

Mistress gave me 50 drops of wax onto my balls. Mistress then ordered me to apply the clamps to my foreskin and lift up the cock for a pic, which you can see. The wax and clamps where quite painful, but it is my pleasure to suffer for Mistress.

After the training Mistress allowed me to sleep and ordered me to sleep while wearing the smaller butt plug. It was a bit uncomfortable and it took me quite a while to get to sleep, but Mistress gave me permission to masterbate which helped alot. my ass ached this morning and it was a relief to remove the plug.

2007-12-27T03:47:00.000-08:00

i had a good Christmas with my family, it was the usual - too much food lol

It would have been a great Christmas if i had been with my Mistress, but Mistress was with Her family, hopefully next year W/we will be together.

Mistress ordered me to be plugged all Christmas day, which i was, with the small butt plug. The plug made me think of Mistress all day, i ached for Her and felt completely owned, it was wonderful :-)

2007-12-24T10:01:00.000-08:00

i showed Mistress my new toys last night and W/we had a great session, Mistress is bringing out the true sub in me and i am so happy to be owned by Her.

i put on my new collar for the first time last night, it was such a wonderful feeling, it is hard to describe - it was pure bliss, i totally surrendered to Her and felt complete once i put the collar on.

Mistress then told me to put on my new hood, the ball gag and nipple clamps. Mistress then told me to write 'Happy Xmas' on my chest, which you can see in my previous post. i was so happy to do this, it feels so wonderful to be owned by Her.

Mistress then had me try my new butt plugs, with lube. The small one was really comfortable and when Mistress ordered me to sit (i always kneel before Mistress), it was still comfortable. So Mistress ordered me to use the bigger plug, this was ok while i was kneeling but was uncomfortable when i sat. i could feel my ass being stretched and it ached.

Mistress then ordered me to attached the nipple clamps to my foreskin and the chain around the chair, so i could pull back and stretch my foreskin until the clamps where pulled off. This was very painful, and i repeated it 3 times to please Mistress. To suffer pain for Her is my pleasure.

After 10 mins of having the bigger plug in, Mistress ordered me to use my dildo without lube. i removed the plug and got on my back with legs spread and fucked my ass for Mistress, and i was able to do it for the fist time without lube on the dildo. my ass had been opened by the plug and was still a little lubed, so i could fuck myself for a while before it became really painful. i do not receive physical pleasure from this, my pleasure comes from obeying my Mistress. Mistress enjoys seeing my ass used and i enjoy obeying Her.

Afterwards as i knelt before Mistress, She ordered me to remove the ball gag and plug my mouth with the small butt plug. Previously to tonight i would have hesitated, but now that i am wearing Her collar i just put it in my mouth. Luckily my ass was clean and i could only taste lube, i still gaged though and it was very difficult to keep it in my mouth. i then had to do the same with the bigger butt plug and the dildo, but it did it and i felt happy that i did. i didn't enjoy it at all and gaged alot, but i obeyed Mistress and that is all the counts.

i felt proud of myself and so happy to be owned by a wonderful Mistress.

Happy Christmas Mistress xxxx

Merry Xmas

2007-12-23T16:55:00.001-08:00

Merry Xmas Mistress

2007-12-22T14:03:00.000-08:00

my new toys arrived today, i can't wait for Mistress to see them.

i got two collars, one with 'slut' written on it and i am dying to wear them for Mistress.

i also got a black hood with openings for my eyes and mouth and two butt plugs. A small and a medium sized plug to continue my anal training.

2007-12-20T16:19:00.000-08:00

i had a great training session with Mistress tonight.

W/we started with wax training, i wore my ball gag and had a cross of wax put onto my chest, then lines of wax on my legs. It ended with wax on my nipples and then my balls where completely covered. The balls where the most painful as they are very sensitive, but it was worth it as Mistress liked my balls all yellow from the candle.

Mistress then ordered me to get the clamps, which are on a chain. i then put both clamps onto the foreskin of my cock and put the chain around the leg of a chair. Mistress then watched as i had to move back until i stretched my cock and eventually pulled the clamps off. This was very painful and made my eyes water. Next i repeated the training with the clamps on my nipples and finally on my ears. i was very happy afterwards as i had endured the pain for my Mistress and She was pleased with me :)

Mistress then allowed me to shower and remove the wax. i was then allowed to remove the ball gag and was ordered to lube my ass and the dildo. Mistress then ordered me to lie on my back with my legs spread. i then had to fuck my ass like a good slut, fats and furious. i fucked my ass as best as i could, after a few minutes my ass got very tender and quite sore but i kept going until Mistress was satisfied that i had been fucked enough.

my ass is still sore, 30 mins after the training, which is good, it reminds me of who i belong to and i am so happy that Mistress allowed me to serve Her and was happy with my performance.

2007-12-18T10:49:00.000-08:00

i disappointed Mistress last night :(

During the training session Mistress ordered me to remain kneeling in bondage while She went to get something to eat, but i moved to go put on the heating. Mistress was very displeased with me and i was dismissed for the night. Mistress also called a lover over and had sex with him, i wasn't allowed to go to bed until She was finished with him and had to wait until 2am before going to bed. The thought of Mistress with another man is really upsetting, it is the worst feeling i have had since Mistress collared me.

2007-12-16T03:46:00.000-08:00

i went out with my friends last night and had a good time, i didn't get too drunk :)

While i was out i really had a strong feeling of being owned and it was a wonderful feeling. Before i went out Mistress gave me 50 spanks on my ass, which stung for an hour. i also had to wear panties, which was humiliating at first but i soon got used to it, i just had to be careful when going to the toilet :)

Mistress was on my mind the whole night, i ached to be with Her all the time. Mistress really owns me.

2007-12-15T06:11:00.000-08:00

i spoke to Mistress last night and She was happy with my training the previous night, which really makes me happy. Mistress knows how to nurture and bring out my submissiveness and i am becoming more and more comfortable with it.

Mistress is letting me go out with my friends tonight, i won't drink too much :)

2007-12-14T05:13:00.000-08:00

i had an intense training session with Mistress last night, i was sweating and panting with exertion afterwards but it was wonderful to let go and submit to Her.

The training started with me kneeling before Mistress, which is where i belong. Mistress ordered me to get my ball gag and put it on, then told me to put on some panties. This made me feel like the slut i really am. Mistress told me i was Her doggy, Her pet and ordered me to remove the ball gag and throw it out of the room. i then had to fetch it like a good dog, i had to crawl as fast as i could and retrieve it with my mouth. Mistress wasn't happy with my first attempt, as a doggy should bark and wag his tail, so i had to bark and wag my ass when i bent down to retrieve the ball gag. i found this very humiliating, i think barking like a dog was the hardest part as i felt so self conscious. i had to repeat this many times until Mistress was satisfied with my performance.

Next Mistress had me put on ankle cuffs and repeat the training, throwing and fetching the ball gag while barking and wagging my tail. It was a lot harder with my ankles cuffed, but the extra effort took my mind off the barking and i didn't feel so self conscious. Mistress then ordered me to get my clamps, which are attached to a chain. i had to fix one end of my clamps to my ankle cuffs and the other clamp to my balls. Like this i could just about stand up straight. i then repeated my doggy training and the clamp was pulled off my balls each time as i crawled after the ball gag. There was some intense pain as the clamp was removed but i didn't notice that much as i was exerting myself so much crawling as fast as i could after the ball gag. Mistress said i was a good dog which made me happy.

When Mistress was happy with my progress, i was ordered to stop, put on the ball gag and remove my panties. i then had to reattach the clamp to my balls and jump in the air 5 times. Each time the clamp was pulled off and i had to reattach it. This was quite painful but i was glad for the rest from doggy training as i was getting tired.

Mistress then ordered me to remove the ankle cuffs, attach one to my left wrist and the other to my right ankle. This is a very awkward position, i could not kneel properly or stand. i then had to repeat my doggy training and it was very hard to crawl and fetch the ball gag. i was exhausted and sweating after the training and i also noticed i had carpet burns on the top of my feet. i also noticed i was concentrating on performing the task so much that i didn't feel humiliated anymore.

Mistress let me rest for a moment and i knelt in that awkward position, with my left wrist cuffed to my right leg, panting like a dog. Mistress then said that dogs like to lick their cocks, so i had to fetch my dildo and lick it in front of Her. Mistress then told me to suck the dildo, which i did like a good slut, i didn't feel self conscious at all now. Mistress then said that doggies like to be fucked, so i had to lie on the floor, still cuffed, and use my free arm to fuck my slut ass. This was quick painful and i couldn't fuck my ass fast enough, so Mistress graciously allowed me to use more lube. i was then able to fuck my ass fast, like a good dog.

When Mistress was satisfied that Her dog had been fucked enough, i was exhausted and sweating. my ass was very sore, i hope i can get used to anal play. Mistress then told me to remove the cuffs and rest. i was so grateful to Her for letting me rest, i knelt before Her still panting, i was totally Hers, She owned me completely. When i had rested, Mistress ordered me to masterbate and cum. i knelt and masterbated before Her, once i had cum i was dismissed. i went to bed content that i had performed well in my training and i slept like a bady that night.

2007-12-12T15:34:00.000-08:00

i am feeling better today and i spoke to Mistress, which really cheered me up.
i had missed Her so much, it is great to chat to Her.
i just wish i could do more to make Her happy, Mistress means the world to me.

Hopefully i will chat to Her again later tonight.

2007-12-11T09:23:00.000-08:00

i'm still not feeling too well today, have just been able to eat some soup so far :(

i didn't chat to my Mistress last night, i went to bed early. i really miss Her, i hope i get to speak to Her tonight. Speaking to Mistress cheers me up :)

2007-12-10T10:21:00.000-08:00

i chatted to Mistress last night which was great. She makes me feel so happy under Her feet, i am happy to submit to Her control. Mistress is a dream come true :)

im not feeling well today, stomach is at me, i hope i haven't got a bug :(

2007-12-09T08:14:00.000-08:00

i had an early night last night, i was tired and went to be, i missed chatting to Mistress. i hope to see Her tonight :)

im having a quiet Sunday today, just been to parents for dinner and will watch some tv, i wish my Mistress was here so i could sit by Her feet and be ready to serve Her at any time.

2007-12-08T12:52:00.000-08:00

i had a good chat with Mistress last night, She is so understanding.
To earn a treat i had to receive 1o spanks each with the paddle on my ass, chest and legs, plus candle wax on my chest and balls. It really hurt my balls but i was gaged so i didn't make that much noise. im glad to suffer this for my Mistress. Mistress also wanted me to demonstrate my licking of Her feet by licking one of my boots, which was very unpleasant but the thought of really licking my Mistress's feet made it possible.

i watched a movie on tv today that made me cry, it was not a great movie, good story though. Maybe i was just emotional, but i enjoyed it.

2007-12-07T10:13:00.000-08:00

i had a nice chat with Mistress last night, She is so understanding, She is wonderful.

i wrote my Christmas cards today, what a pain, i would prefer to be spanked than do them... well maybe not :)

Otherwise its been a uneventful day, i hope to see Mistress later.

2007-12-06T14:36:00.001-08:00

i had a wonderful chat with my Mistress last night, She recommended some movies that i will have to check out :)

Had a busy day today, was in my parents this afternoon, then cooked Quail for the first time. i used two birds, they are very small - you can only use the breast meat. i used the rest of the birds to make a stock and added some balsamic vinegar to it, then had it on a bed of salad with some croquettes. i hope to cook it for my Mistress too :)

2007-12-05T10:36:00.000-08:00

my Mistress punished me last night for going out and not telling Her, i didn't plan on staying out so late. i received candle wax on my chest and balls, and i certainly learned my lesson, i will never go anywhere without letting my Mistress know.

i ordered two collars, a leather one and a slut ID collar today, hopefully they will arrive in a weeks time as i can't wait to wear them for my Mistress :)

i also ordered a hood with holes for eyes and mouth, plus a small and medium butt plug which will help with my training. The sooner they arrive the better as i think Mistress will be pleased.

2007-12-02T11:06:00.000-08:00

i have not seen my Mistress for days now and i miss Her so much :( i have an ache in my stomach when i think of Her, i hope She is well and that i see Her very soon. i am dying to serve Her again, i am nothing without Her.

2007-11-29T04:43:00.000-08:00

it was my birthday yesterday and i didnt get to talk to my Mistress as i was out with family and friends. i really missed Mistress and wished She could have been there, but i was very happy to get a birthday message from Her. Mistress is wonderful :)

2007-11-26T16:37:00.000-08:00

i talked to my Mistress tonight, it was wonderful to speak to Her again after 3 nights without Her. i told Her about my weekend and then She taught me a valuable lesson, i needed to be punished for coming without permission on thursday. Mistress ordered me to get some pepper and put a mound of it on the table, i then had to lick and eat it all. This really burned my tongue, mouth and throat. It hurt and brought tears to my eyes, but i knew i deserved it. Mistress was kind enough to let me get some water by inserting the dildo into a glass of water and sucking the water off the dildo. i was allowed to do this for 2 minutes but it wasnt enough. Mistress allowed me to earn an extra minute by receiving 20 spanks with the paddle on my ass. i then got as much water as i could from the dildo for the next minute. This eased the burning in my throat. What water was left i poured over my head on Mistress's orders, as i didnt drink it all and didnt request to earn the right to drink more by receiving more spankings. Mistress then ordered me to repeat the training i failed on thursday, i had to open my bedroom door and masterbate while moaning like a slut, but not cum. i did this to Mistress's satisfaction and Mistress was kind enough to let me cum. Mistress then allowed to to go to bed and i went to bed happy. i learned to never cum with permission again and to always obey Mistress's orders exactly.

2007-11-26T05:51:00.000-08:00

i got back from my weekend away last night and im so happy to be back so i can see my Mistress again. i missed Her so much, She was always on my mind and i was sad to be away from Her. i had an empty feeling in my stomach when i thought about Her, the weekend would have been perfect if my Mistress could have been with me. i cant wait to see Her tonight.

2007-11-22T17:01:00.000-08:00

i am ashamed of myself tonight. my Mistress gave me permission to masterbate because i am going away for the weekend and i wont see Her, and i let myself down by cumming without permission. i am such a stupid boy, i cant believe how disrespectful i was. i just hope Mistress will forgive me. i need to grow up and stop being so selfish.

i have been thinking about what it would be like to be living with my Mistress and being Her slave 24/7, it is something i ache for. To be able to worship Her every day would be so wonderful. After today i know that i have a long way to go before this will happen, i really disappointed Her. i want to learn to be a better slave and give myself totally into my Mistress's care, i want to make Her proud of me and want Her to love me as i love Her. But at the moment i am just a stupid worm with a cock. i want to grow as a slave and promise myself that i will. my Mistress deserves the best and i want to give Her that.

2007-11-21T09:44:00.000-08:00

i didn't see my Mistress last night and i really missed Her. Even though i had a busy day today Mistress was always on my mind, i miss Her words, Her attention, Her approval. i hope to see Her tonight.

2007-11-20T06:35:00.000-08:00

my Mistress was feeling tense last night and used me to relieve Her tension and i was happy to serve Her. i had to give myself 40 spanks with the paddle while She watched and then sit on the dildo until it was completely in. Then She ordered me to fuck my ass with the dildo, doggy style while She watched me. When She was satisfied, i then had to masterbate without coming. Mistress's tension was relieved and later when i went to sleep on the floor, my ass ached but i was content that i had pleased Her. Mistress makes me be a good submissive to Her and i thank Her for this.

i am now owned

2007-11-19T03:57:00.000-08:00

i am a very lucky boy, i now have an owner, the wonderful Mistress Anna. Mistress is a natural Domme that brings out my true nature. W/we chatted last night for the first time in 4 nights and it was a pleasure. i told Mistress that i had planned a weekend away with friends before i was collared by Her and Mistress is letting me go :)

Mistress reminded me that in future i must ask permission with some nipple clamp torture and i learned my lesson well. my nipples are still very tender this morning and will be for the rest of the day. Mistress also ordered me to sleep on the floor for the rest of the week, this is to remind me that i am Her property and i thank Her for that.