Friday 25 January 2008

i really missed my Mistress while i was away, i wore my small plug most days under my cloths so i would be always reminded of Her. it is great to be back and serving my Mistress again :)

Tuesday 15 January 2008

i spoke to Mistress tonight and i am sad as i am going away for a few days and i am going to miss my Mistress so much.

i am going to bring the small plug in my luggage and wear it every day in Her honour, i hope the time will go quickly and i will be home next tuesday morning, ready to serve my Mistress.

Saturday 12 January 2008

i haven't chatted to Mistress in a few days and i really miss Her, i so look forward to speaking to Her and i miss Her more and more.

i hope to speak to You soon Mistress

Monday 7 January 2008

Fears and Fantasies

Fears

my biggest fear is losing my Mistress, to find such a wonderful Mistress as Mistress Anna is one in a million, and i realise how lucky i am to be owned by Her. i want to devote my life to Her and love Her and hope She loves me too.

my next biggest fear is failing to be the slave my Mistress wants me to be, the last thing i want to do is disappoint Her, i want Her to be proud of me.

One of my biggest fears used to be being deceived by a Mistress who is only playing at D/s and is not really serious and just wants to use me, but i am very lucky to be owned by a true natural Mistress who is helping me to grow as a submissive.

A big fear of mine is public humiliation, i mean humiliation in front of people outside the lifestyle. i feel that vanilla people just don't understand D/s and how loving it is, so i prefer to keep my submission private.

Another fear is extreme pain, i know that pain is good for a submissive but i still fear it.



Fantasies

The fantasy i always have is living with my Mistress as Her 24/7 slave and Her friend, to be there for Her every day, to love Her and be totally owned by Her. i dream of one day being married and living the rest of my life with my Mistress.

i used to dream of always wearing a symbol of my submission, something that always reminds me of my Mistress. This could be a necklace, bracelet, butt plug, or some kind of bondage under my cloths. This fantasy has now come true as i wear my slut collar on my arm under my cloths every day :)

i now dream of being out with my friends with my Mistress, wearing Her symbol and nobody knowing but U/us.

i also fantasise about living with my Mistress and pleasing Her every day, having no right to wear cloths without Her permission, kissing Her feet every morning and every time She enters the house.

i fantasise about my Mistress attaching a leash to my collar and leading me to the bedroom or playroom, where She will continue my on going training and teach how to please Her exactly how She wants.

Sunday 6 January 2008

i had a very nice chat with Mistress tonight and i told Her how happy She makes me and how lucky i am to serve Her. Mistress makes me complete, i am my true self with Her.

After our conversation Mistress ordered me to suck my dildo, then fuck myself until i ached and was very sore. i did this without complaining, it was difficult but it was my pleasure to obey.

When Mistress was happy, i was ordered to insert the butt plug and spank my ass until it was nice and red, then take the pic You can see.

Thank You Mistress.

Saturday 5 January 2008

i really let my Mistress down before the New Year and i have been very upset ever since, my stomach has been sick and i haven't been sleeping.

Tonight Mistress spoke to me and ordered me to cuff my left wrist to my right ankle, put on the hood and nipple clamps, then kneel against the wall and think about what i had done.

Kneeling there i felt so bad and hated myself for letting Mistress down, i felt worthless and wanted to be punished. But i knew that i need to do more to prove to Mistress that i really want to belong to Her. i know that i will never be happy without Her, She is wonderful and i ached all week thinking about Her.

i can't picture my life without Mistress, looking at my future without Her is sad and depressing. i want to prove to Her that i am committed to Her. i told my brother last night that i was submissive and he wasn't happy about it, but i don't care as long as my Mistress wants me.

i beg Her to keep me and teach me how to serve Her better.